Going clothes shopping was a nightmare!!!

Forgive me if this is a short and sweet blog. I am having one of those days that you wish you could go to sleep and wake up and it’s tomorrow. I wanted to talk to you about my experience clothes shopping and how difficult it was to shop for clothes once I did get pregnant.


After months of costly infertility treatments and artificial inseminations, I got the good news that I was pregnant. At the beginning of my pregnancy, I was 285lbs. I just kept telling myself that I am not the only big girl to ever have gotten pregnant and that this experience wasn’t going to be difficult. I out grew my clothes within a few months and my mom took me shopping for my first set of maternity clothes. These clothes were 3X clothes and they were the biggest the store carried at the time. My mom ended up spending close to $300.00 that day. I tried to make those clothes last as long as possible, but, I quickly grew out of them within a few months. I ended up shopping at an expensive plus size clothing store that carried clothes from 4X up. The average top costs about $40.00. It seems as though if you are in need of plus size clothing you better make lots of money, because the clothes are not cheap. By the end of my pregnancy I was wearing 5X clothes and weighed in at my heaviest at 305lbs. I had racked up a large clothing bill at two clothing stores and was having a very hard time finding clothes that were comfortable and didn’t look like a part of a parachute. I had one shirt that I liked a lot. Thank goodness my mother in law was able and willing to make a pattern from it and made me two more shirts to get me through the rest of my pregnancy.

When D was two I began going through infertility treatment again and no luck. I was told that I only had a 2% chance of having a baby on my own without invitro. That procedure was going to cost anywhere from $7,500-$10,000. I didn’t want to put my family through that financial burden. Instead, I bought a new car and put having another baby out of my mind. I began thinking of having weight loss surgery and getting myself healthy. This is when Mike and I joined a gym and began working out. I made and appointment with an Akron bariatric surgeon to see if I was a candidate, and I was. I had to go through a six month physician monitored weight loss program before my insurance would cover the surgery. When my six months were up and I had lost 45lbs., on my own with a healthy diet and exercise. To my surprise I became pregnant with blake just before my surgery.This is now 4 years after D and the whole clothes thing was a bit different. The Motherhood maternity store started carrying larger clothes and I still had the clothes from my first pregnancy. I didn’t get as heavy with Blake, but I was larger. I gained 45lbs. during my pregnancy with Blake.  My weight at the beginning of that pregnancy was 250lbs. and ended at 295lbs.
Lea

This pic was taken June 2009

Never take going to a resuraunt for Granted!!

     Before children, and when we could afford it, we went out to eat alot.  some of our favorite places included Rockney's, Longhorn Steakhouse and the park and eat places like A&W and Swensons.  The night Mike proposed, he took me out to eat at Longhorn Steakhouse.  That was the last night I was able to fit into a booth.  from that night on when we went out we usually needed to be seated at a table.  The only exception was if the table could be moved and Mike would pull the table towards him so that I could slide into the booth on the opposite side.  I also, remember going to Swenson's during the cold months and they couldn't get the door closed with me and the food tray attached to the inside of the door.  It was very embarrassing.  That was the last time we went to a park and eat establishment in the cold months.  Life is a bit different now.  When going out to eat my concern is that they offer healthy foods that can agree with my new digestive system.  My eating habits are completely different now and it presents a whole different set of problems for going out to eat, but personal embarassment and shame are no longer an issue.

My brother and I in Winter 2005

Infertility-the begining

 


We were married in 2001 and when my parents and I went looking for my wedding dress we ended up buying it at David's Bridal. To this day I feel as though we settled on a dress. It was beautiful, but not my dream dress. The other bridal shops we went to didn't have plus size dresses. My dress was a size 26 and still needed the sides let out because it was too small. My goal is for Mike and I to renew our vows in 2011 at Disney World (where we had our honeymoon). I am not sure what kind of dress I will be wearing, but I can tell you this time I am not settling.

In April of 2002 my Nana passed away. I was only on birth control for a very short period of time. I decided that life is to precious and I wanted to get pregnant before I lost my other grandmother. In August 2002 Mike and I took a trip to the Cleveland Zoo. I began bleeding and started having increased pain throughout the day. During that night I couldn't take the pain any longer. The pain was so bad I thought I was having a heart attack. When I go to the hospital they did an exam and a pregnancy test. In the ER the doctors told me I was pregnant, but having a miscarriage. They stated I needed to go home and let nature take its course. They gave me a dose of pain medicine and sent me home. Well, on the way home I had an allergic reaction to the pain meds and was taken back to the hospital by ambulance. A week later I was still bleeding and running a fever. My mother-in-law finally convinced our PCP that I needed an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed that I had an ectopic pregnancy. I was taken to the OR for emergency surgery. Because of my weight and size the doctors were unable to do the laproscopic surgery through my belly button. They had to do an open surgery, which cut me from hip bone to hip bone. I lost the baby and my left Fallopian tube. It took a month for me to recover.

We tried getting pregnant again starting in November. Come January 2003 and I still wasn't pregnant. I knew something was wrong. We decided to start seeing a fertility doctor in Akron. This was the first time in years that my weight again became a major issue again. The fertility doctor diagnosed me has being morbidly obese and stated that my infertility is directly related to my weight. He was constantly telling me I needed to get the weight off if I wanted to get pregnant. He had me on a sugar/diabetic pill which helped me lose 15lbs., but it also made me sick all the time. I couldn't take it anymore he was a doctor that told you the way it was and I just wasn't used to hearing it. I stuck with the months of treatments, because I wanted a baby in the worst way and adoption wasn't an option at that time. To be continued at a later date.

Lea

This Picture was taken a month before my ectopic surgery

College/Mike

     Sorry, for the two day delay, but life stepped in.  I wanted to talk to you about meeting my husband and share with you a little from our college years.  I was a Senior when Mike and I started dating.  He was only the third person I officially ever dated.  I tipped the scales at 220lbs.  Mike and I first met 3 years earlier during a 4-H trip and found each other again in 1995 when both of us were going through training for to be camp counselors.  What an experience that was being a chubby girl.  I remember one of the trust drills we did ended in an injury.  The extension agent was having each counselor close their eyes and fall into the arms of the others.  That part was fine, but then he was having the entire group hold us up off the ground.  I tried to convince him I was way too big for them to hold me.  Didn't work, he made me do it anyway.  They tried to pick me up and dropped me to the floor.  My head hit the ground and everything went blurry.  When I came to, I had a friend holding a bag of ice to my head.  I got to tell the extension agent I told you so.  Yes, Mike was there, but he states he doesn't remember the event, maybe he is being nice.
     Not that I wasn't happy before meeting Mike, but I wasn't as anxious about my size or weight with him.  Mike loved me the way I was.  People ask me all the time what he thinks about my dramatic weight loss and he says he loved me before and he loves me now.  He just wants me happy and healthy.  I remember us in college parties and I always found myself looking around to see if I was the biggest person and usually I was.  I remember not going to a few parties, such as the Halloween parties, because I couldn't find a costume that would fit.  You better believe this year we are going downtown to party.  Any ideas for a costume??  The four years in college I gained 45lbs at graduation I weighted 265lbs.  I didn't enjoy sitting in the class rooms that had the one piece chair & desk combos.  I didn't fit in them.  I had the same problem in the old auditorium seats with the table that flipped out.  When I was at campus forget about walking to class.  I made sure I got to campus early enough to use the campus bus system to haul me around.  The couple of times I did walk around campus I thought I was going to die.  I also was worried about crowded buses.    While I was in college, Mike purposed in 1998.  As I stated above with Mike, I wasn't worried about my weight.  At least not until I just kept getting bigger, became borderline diabetic and was having infertility problems a year after we were married.  The doctors related my infertility to me being overweight.  Can you guess what I am going to talk about in tomorrows blog???
Thank for reading letting me know what you think.
Lea  

Mike and I Spring 2000

Mike and I Summer 2010

Weight Loss Programs

At 5th/6th grade my parents started to get really worried about how big I was. I was the biggest girl in my family and at school. First they took me to our PCP which referred us to a dietitian. I remember going and seeing her, but all I remember hearing was blah, blah, blah. Next, my mom and I went to a place called Forum 3 weight loss center in Kent, OH. That program was interesting. Keep a food diary and eat their health shakes once a day. We did loose weight. I think this program cost between $300-$500. I clearly remember that I was in 6th grade because I went from wearing a size 16 to a 10. Just to give you a look forward to the present time, I can now wear a size 8. My weight loss in 6th grade was short lived I was back into a size 16 in no time. My parents also had me go with a close family friend to weight watchers. The most I lost with that program was 20lbs. Ok, that cost my parents about $200. I also tried Physicians Weight Loss before my wedding in 2001. My goal was to loose 20-30lbs. Overall, I lost a total of 5lbs. and it cost my parents $500. Before approving bariatric surgery, insurance companies want you to have a 6 month supervised weight loss plan/program. I think this is a great idea. During my six months I not only met with my doctor monthly, but also the dietitian. This time I hard more than blah, blah, blah. During this time Mike and I began to exercise regularly (3-5 times per week). We bought a gym membership. I seemed to be the biggest girl in the gym, but I got over it. I started out at 279 lbs. and ended at 250lbs. At the end of the six months I was approved for my surgery and was a day from all the pre-op testing when I wasn't feeling well and thought I was dealing with a case of food poisoning. To my surprise I was pregnant with Blake. Considering the fertility specialist gave me a less than 2% chance of getting pregnant without fertility meds, this was a miracle (more on the fertility issues in a later blog). Pregnant with Blake, I gained 45lbs. I was again close to 300lbs. After having Blake I was not going to have the bariatric surgery. I decided I wanted to try to get the weight off on my own. Unfortunately, I was diagnosed with a large hernia. The doctor stated that he would be able to more easily fix it if I lost 50lbs. I didn't want to wait until I lost this amount weight on my own (if I even could). Thus I agreed to have the bariatric surgery. I lost the 50lbs in just a few months, but have put the hernia surgery off until now so I could have the cosmetic surgery at the same time. The cosmetic surgery is to remove the massive amount of extra skin I now have around my abdomin. For those thinking about bariatric surgery, remember the excess skin is a fact of life and insurance does not deem its removal medically necessary, so this part of my surgery is on my own dime. This surgery will take place on September 1st, so pray for me!!!

Lea

Nana and I. This was around the time I started going to weight lose programs.

Can Big Girls Play Sports???

Yes, I did.  My parents did a great thing they signed me up for softball while the divorce thing was going on.  I surprised everyone including myself.  I had great hand/eye coordination, had a great arm to throw the ball and enough power to smack the ball hard enough to get my chubby butt to first base.  I played from 3rd grade to my senior year in high school.  By the 12th grade I was 220lbs and has a pinch runner.  I was the starting catcher and co-captain for our team.  Let me tell you conditioning was HELL.  Again, fat kids don't like to run!!!  Having to run and run the drills made for 120lb. people was insane.  I couldn't keep up, I wasn't even close.  I may have done two laps to their five.  I just want to say thanks to coach Moe for believing in me.  Playing softball gave me confidence.  Being on a winning team didn't hurt either.

In High School

Lea

My first year of softball

Amusement Parks

     I have not ridden a roller coaster since before I was Married. I wasn’t able to fit into them. The last coaster I rode was the Superman at Geauga Lake/Six Flags here in Ohio. I held up the ride, because I couldn’t get strapped in. The two big guys that were running the ride came over and smashed me in. They were having such a hard time, I kept asking to just let me get off the ride. They refused stating “don’t worry we will get you strapped in”. They did and I almost couldn’t breath. It was such an embarrassing moment that I promised myself that I would never ride a roller coaster again. That was about ten years ago. God love my husband when we have gone to amusement parks because he has gotten used to riding by himself or having his mom come along to ride the roller coasters with him. Well, I broke my own promise yesterday during our family trip to Kennywood, I rode a wooden roller coaster (Thunder Bolt). Wow! What a rush. It was a great ride. I was also brave enough to ride the log rides and the rock’n roller coaster. Ok, my six year old rode the log ride too. She was unable to ride the rock’n roller coaster due to the height restrictions and her falling and hurting herself. Days like yesterday and being able to ride amusement park rides with my children and husband, felt so wonderful. I thank the lord I had the bariatric surgery. A life of normalcy. A day I was able to enjoy life’s simple pleasures (like being able to ride a roller coaster). This was one of my goals to losing this weight.

     One more interesting roller coaster moment from yesterday. As Mike and I were getting ready to ride in line I noticed a sign at the control booth it stated smaller passengers enter cars first. I looked at Mike being smart A _ _ and said “excuse me. I get to go in the car first!!!” By the way I have always weighed more that Mike, that was until 6-7 months after my bariatric surgery. I caught up to him and have since passed him up.

Let me know what you think. Feel free to comment or ask me questions. I will answer anything to the best of my abilities.

Thanks,

Lea

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Kennywood Summer 2010

Snapped!!

     Like a typical bully she was shocked someone told her off and dared me to come back and tell it to her face.  I walked up three small stairs to the lunch room sat my book bag down turned around and went back to the girls and again stated F _ _ _ OFF!!  Looking back I can laugh, but I remember how boiling it made me and being full of pure adrenalin.  By the way I did mention girls?  There were two of them and before either one of them could hit me I had picked them up (one at a time) and threw them to the floor.  A third girl came around the corner to help them and before she could get a hit on me I knocked her to the floor as well.  A forth girl came, but I thought of her a as a mutual friend and I remember yelling at her to get lost that I didn't want to have to hit her.  Honestly, those girls never touched me and they went running in shock to the bathroom.  This was just one of those FAT GIRL WINS moments.  Being as honest as I was, I went to the lunch monitors (teachers) and told them what had happened.  I did get called to the principles office but no big deal.  Years later as an adult I found out from one pf the teachers that was a lunch monitor that day that they were watching the fight and as long as I was winning they let it go on. (Comforting, I know). I am not saying that fighting is the answer, but you'll know when you have hit your breaking point and it's time to stand up for yourself.  I did.  We are getting ready today for our trip to Kennywood.  I will write about how different going to amusement parks now in tomorrows blog. Thanks for reading.

Lea

Summer 2004 (300+lbs) Our first family photo

Growing Up Fat-Being Teased

     Did I get teased?  Yes, but for the most part not from my class mates.  It usually was the older kids at school or in the neighborhood.  I grew up in a trailer park and the older kids in the park were not the nicest.  My best friend Amy and I would get picked on all the time.  I only participated in a few fights that I can remember.  The first fight I ever was in I got my butt kicked.  I was a third grader and she was a fifth grader.  She was a neighbor.  What did I expect?  I would have done better if I fought her younger sister who was only a year older, but they knew I could have taken her.  Thus, I had to fight the older one.  She bragged about it for years!!!  Brag all you want I was only 8 years old.
     i have a better story for you.  One day in Middle School I was in gym class with a sub.  The sub came up with a rule that anyone hitting the ball over the net after the whistle had to run laps.  Did I mention we were playing volleyball?  Isn't the ball suppose to go over the net?  Anyway, let me remind you, fat kids don't run well nor do we like to run and of course I was the one who served the ball as she blew the whistle.  She yelled at me to start my laps and I argued to no avail.  I was a quite kid and arguing with a teacher was something I usually didn't do.  I absolutely refused to run the laps and told her I would walk them and she agreed.  A few class bullies gave me a hard time and during gym I ignored them, but come lunch time the girls asked how I enjoyed my run and I SNAPPED telling them to F_ _ _ OFF!!! The fight that concurred will be described in my next blog. Time for dinner.

Thanks Sarah for the Picture. Us in Middle School

Early Years

Ok, I had to do a little research before writing this blog.  Remember, I am trying to learn about blogging as I go.  When I was born, I only weighed 4lbs 10.5oz. and 17in long.  How someone goes from that to 305 lbs. in 27 years is a little mind boggling to say the least.  I remember kindergarten/1st grade being normal.  Once 3rd grade hit family matters (divorce, being held back and other stresses) kicked in.  From this point on the weight was on (literally).  Clothes shopping was a nightmare.  This time of year growing up was miserable, due to getting ready for the school.  I remember not even wanting to get out of the car to go into the stores with my mom.  In style clothes never came in my size during the 1980s.  I pray everyday that this never becomes an issue for my children.  More to come later, thunderstorm coming and I need to start making dinner.  A healthy dinner.
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At My Biggest. Summer 2004

Just Getting Started!!!

I hope this is going to be a great adventure. I am going to share with anyone that will listen my history and struggles with my weight. I will be writing a full history and post it later today, but to get started I want to let you know that I have gone from 305lbs. to 135lbs. That's right, no joke 170lbs difference. Did I have help losing it (YES). Lots of help (Medically supervised weight loss & bariatric surgery) and I will share my journey with you. Are you thinking about having bariatric surgery? Well, one of my goals with this blog is to share with you what I experienced throughout the process. Remember, I am not an expert, just a chubby girl that was dying to see what it was like to be normal. I am brand new to blogging so everyone please be patient with me, but so far so good!!! Will write later. Thank you for reading.




Lea

Winter 2005

Summer 2010